A Wife Before The Comittment. The Ring. The Ceremony. The License.

Hmph. This is something that only a few people knew about. On my quest towards "transparency" and being open with my readers about who I am, yes, even I played the role of wife though I'm not one. If you're still clueless as to what this means, let me simplify it a bit.....
I acted & played the role of a WIFE in a relationship to a young man that I was only a "girlfriend/boo thang/provider" to. And yes, I said PROVIDER when it should have been the other way around. During that time, as I performed what I knew to be "wifely duties", I knew it wasn't right. Because I loved this guy soooo much & wanted to show him that I cared if no one else ever did, I lessened my worth with each action I did all in the name of what I "thought" was LOVE. Yep, I loved him with EVERYTHING I had. When I say everything, I mean everything. From my money, to my car, to my home, to his family, to jeopardizing my relationship with God.....everything. I would put him first before I would consult with God, and that is one of THE most dangerous things you could ever do. I was infatuated with who I "thought" he was. Even when he messed up, did me wrong, etc., I still loved him through it all because you know, that's what WIVES do!

I mean, there was nothing wrong with cooking, cleaning, giving him money, making sure his clothes were ironed, that he was kept up to date with the latest guy fashions, paying for his dinner, keeping him satisfied,&  assuring him that he was THE man (amongst other things) RIGHT? Now don't get me wrong, he wasn't a bad person, he just made some messed up decisions & had a heck of a way of showing his "love". I mean, he actually TOLD me that he didn't want to be with me, but because I "loved" him so much, I just knew he was playing, didn't mean what he was saying, & wasn't focused....that's why I stayed right there doing what I knew to do to keep him happy! I mean, I just knew he would come around one day because a girl like "me" is SO hard to find. I was going to be right there when God finally gave him an epiphany. I mean no one, not any other girl was going to do for him, cook for him, love him, and be there for him like I could....lol. Yeah RIGHT Shenina! When I look back on it now, I just shake my head and say, THANK YOU LORD! Dude, what was I thinking??? #growthandmaturity

The more I grew with him, the more I became comfortable with what I was doing, almost believing that this was "normal". And then one day, I decided to take my relationship with God a step further, unknowingly opening a door of escape for the current situation I was in. God's love surpasses all understanding, and the more God showed me that he was all I needed, he became ALL I WANTED! My relationship with him (God) meant more to me than the relationship I was in with this young man. So one day, after asking for the last time if he wanted to be with me and he replied, NO......I immediately said, THANK YOU LORD & left it all with him, starting my life as I knew it over again on a quest to find ME.

So ladies & gents, no man or woman can ever love you like God can! Its not of God to do things before our time because when we DO become married, we won't have much to look forward to. If you're shacking with someone who is not your husband/wife, STOP. If you're playing wifey or hubby before you actually make a commitment, get the ring, have a ceremony, & sign the marriage license, DON'T DO IT! Matter of fact, don't even call your significant other "wifey or hubby", lol. The people that most of us are currently with are not for us anyway, so why give a temporary person the satisfaction of having a "life-long title"? You must know that you are WORTH MORE! Its okay to be in a great relationship & do things for one another, don't get me wrong, but its not okay to do what wives and husbands do when you're just boyfriend & girlfriend. God doesn't approve, and if you want the person HE has for you, you're going to have to be a big girl and a big boy, make Godly decisions regardless of the outcome, walk in obedience, trust God, & just wait on him. The more I wait on God to mold MY husband just for ME, the more excited I become. I was told one reason I'm not approached by many guys & am not currently in a relationship is because loves me too much & is protecting my heart. Knowing that makes me proud to be one of God's "chosen ones" because I know my future husband will be worth the lonely, sleepless nights, the dateless nights (lol), the tears, frustrations, and more.

Being SINGLE is not a disease! Its is not a plague! It is not something that should be banned. Being single is actually a great thing because you have TIME to do the things you want to do, go places you want to go, & more. I don't want to be married "wishing" I was single. That is NOT of God! When its your time, you will know. Seek God's face, & the rest is history. Below is what I shared on my facebook status earlier & is the inspiration behind this post. I pray it helps someone! The next man that EVER gets to have ALL of me will be my husband, because he & ONLY he will be worthy enough. :-) God bless you!

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"I just saw something that reminded me of my WORTH. I used to date a guy who I was completely in love with. It wasn't a patty cake love either, but a sincere, genuine, unconditional, love. I was a "wife" before my time. He "appeared" to be all I desired & then some and I "thought" I was the luckiest woman alive to have a guy like "him" be interested in a girl like "me". But as I became more aware of how much GOD really loves me, I noticed that what I was feeling from him wasn't love at all. I gave more than he did. I spoke Life into him more than he did me. I found myself going above & beyond, pushing him to be the best he could be while I wasn't even being nudged at all.

The more I remained in the relationship, the more God revealed to me that--- "Baby, you are WORTH more than this! I am the ONLY example of what it means & how it feels to be loved like you're supposed to be. His love will never amount to mine, but when he's sent by "ME", it will be the closest thing you'll ever have. That's why you must WAIT on me to give you the man that "I" have for you! Anything that comes from me is worth the wait!" So I bless God that I was given the opportunity to see what love is NOT so that I may recognize what true love IS! So even in our singleness, ladies & gents, we must seek God's face like never before because we deserve to be loved the RIGHT way.

If you're currently in a relationship that you know God doesn't approve of, GET OUT OF IT! If its not of God, it will not work! That may sound harsh, but its the truth! I only want what he desires. Nothing else matters :-) ~♥ Nina"