CONFESSION: There's a STRANGER in my house!

Do you feel as if you have lost yourself? Have you ever done so many things, for so long and then one day it HIT you that you weren't "yourself" any longer? Have you forgotten who & whose your were? Are you just alive & camping out in a house (physical body) at which you don't recognize anymore? 

If you can truthfully answer YES to any of those questions, then there is a strong possibility that you are now a stranger to yourself, and maybe even others. That has been on my mind for the past few days and if I can be real about it, I feel as if I've let myself go ALOT. I don't necessarily  know if I feel this way because I'm changing & growing or because I simply have not cared for myself wholeheartedly as I should over the past few years. Physically, I've gained weight, have not taken complete & total pride in my appearance, have gotten lazier now that I ever have been, am eating whatever I want, whenever I choose to, am not exercising, and more which are all affecting my self confidence. I know we have all been there and done that at least one point in our lives, but I'm not satisfied with myself for that. Mentally & spiritually, I haven't been reading God's word as I should and communicating with him through prayer, I haven't been fasting, praising him, and obeying as I should, and I haven't wholeheartedly been feeding my spirit with things of substance that will help to elevate me further in life as I should either. Financially & emotionally, I haven't been saving as I should, preparing for my future as I should, and have not come to grips with alot of things as well. 

I have taken a goooood look at myself over the past few months and I see that I DO love me, but have fallen out of love WITH me. Sure, I can still encourage, uplift, and inspire others to be their best selves, but when it comes to me, I put myself last. Some would say that I don't "appear" to be the aforementioned things I spoke of, but the truth is, I feel as if I'm a stranger to myself sometimes and that I don't know who "Shenina" is some days. My faith has decreased and my passion for making God #1 in my life is not as strong as it used to be either. I have become more to myself and some of the joy that once flooded my soul is now gone. Now don't get me wrong, I will forever love God & be grateful for who he has created me to be, but I'm not 100% completely happy with myself right now. But giving up & giving in is NOT an option for me and I will continue to push past what "I" feel & further motivate and empower others along the way. Even in the midst of all of that, I can still honestly say that God is good though. I am grateful and so proud of myself that I'm able to let people in on how I am feeling. There is no shame in my game because too many of us are keeping hush hush about what is REALLY going on in our lives.

When you know that you aren't your loving, caring, happy, & joyful self anymore, then it comes time that you do a self-check and see what went wrong. I know I have to get back on it because being in the state that I am currently in now does not feel good. I'm alert and well and very aware of what's going on, but its just that I've kinda lost myself in the process of trying to do & be all God has called me to be and do. The bright side of things is the fact that I can openly admit this, and as stated before in many posts, my goal is to be TRANSPARENT, no sugar coating.

That's why we must never judge people based off of their outer covers. Some of the most beautiful, inspirational, and successful people are dying in the inside! So much so that they are taking their own lives prematurely, and that is surely not of God. I know he has bigger plans for me and in order for me to progress to the next level, I need to learn who I am over again.....and guess what, there is NOTHING wrong with that! I actually feel much better that I have said it and recognize it. God has not forgotten about you and he loves us so much. We just have to know who we are and whose we are daily to fight off the enemy. The devil thinks he may have won, but he has another thing coming, lol! I don't want to be a stranger to myself any longer, so I praise God right now who gives me strength from day to day knowing that it is already worked out in my favor! Have your way Lord & make us really, REAL!

Have you ever or do you currently feel this way? What did you do or what are you doing to overcome it? Over the course of the next few weeks/months, I will be finding ways to get myself back to where I used to be physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially and will document my journey.

Just getting to know the woman you see today all over again :-)