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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

GUEST BLOGGER: Jewel Moore (Queen B')


 
 
QUEEN B'
" “Princesses grow up JUST to be me; I’m the woman with a plan…I AM the QUEEN B!” ~BeJeweled

Let’s start with something that I like to call the “cross-ed words” puzzle; somewhere, we may have gotten some words “crossed up” ...so let’s connect the words to their true meanings. I know, I know! If you are the “head b*tch,” you’ve already studied this…AND have taught it to those you’re training to be just like you. Let’s take a look anyway:

Words to know:

B*tch- the female of the dog; a lustful or wicked woman.

B*tch is also a word used by some women as a term of endearment to other women.

Endearment- means to flatter, compliment or show love to.

Woman- an adult female person.

Lady- an adult female person who is superior, gracious and well spoken.

Man-an adult male human.

Grown man- an adult male who has reached a level of development in his maturity.

Growing man- an adult male who has not YET reached a level of development in his maturity. (combining the words “growing” and “man”)

Dog- a domesticated canid, bred in MANY varieties.

I’ve been studying the whole “b*tch” factor (no pun intended) for a few weeks now, trying to figure out why and how so many women started describing themselves as “b*tches.” I’ve prayed about it as well. I know you expect me to tell you that you shouldn’t call yourself a “b*tch” because it’s not a “nice” word. I won’t be stating that today. I’m not here to judge your decision to do it as much as I’m here to expose some reasons why you do it. Now, I normally avoid the word “you” in my conversations, blogs and posts, if any of YOU have ever noticed; it’s a “social work” thing, I guess and that’s who I am, but today, I will have to use the word “you” a lot so please don’t be offended. I can’t relate to the word “b*tch” so I can’t say “we” however, I do understand some things that WE all go through that COULD lead us to changing our “names and identity.” I’ve had things to happen to me that COULD have taken my identity too; however, I can’t use the word “we” because I made a choice to remain “Jewel” even when everything in me wanted to be a b*tch WITH an attitude. Also, for those who refer to your friends or self as “b*tch,” let me also say that I come in love; my objective is to bring understanding. If you call yourself ANYTHING, you want to know why you’re giving yourself that name. My first thoughts, when I started working on this, were, “No woman, in their right mind, would ever want to be a “female dog.” I graduated from that thought and my second thought was, “Well, maybe these are women who have been hurt so many times by “men” that they labeled “men” to be dogs and in return have decided THEY’LL be the “man” and be a dog TOO! THEN, I said, “IF they want to be “the man,” WHY in the WORLD would they choose to be LIKE the one who hurt them?? Why not be the “good” man that they feel they deserved?” My final conclusion/revelation was all of the above and MORE. Everything about the word “b*tch” just screams “ANGRY.” That’s not the issue; we all get angry. The issue is we “swap” out the word “angry” with “bitter and too proud to admit that I’m hurt.” This is where the “b*tch” is birthed (no pun intended.) Here are a few reasons why a woman calls herself a b*tch:

• She is angry and refuses to let her anger get the “best of her” so she lets it get…” the REST of her.”
• She doesn’t feel loved or flattered: Women like to feel loved and they love to be flattered with compliments. However, if a woman is lacking in love for herself, because she doesn’t know how to love herself the right way, “b*tch” is a strong word that makes her feel powerful. B*tch is term with a negative meaning but woman use it as a term of “endearment.” She doesn’t know what is to be “endeared.” If a woman calls herself a b*tch, it makes her feel different, it flatters her and makes her feel as though she stands out from the rest. When a woman gets to the point where she feels unloved or disrespected by the opposite OR same sex, she might give herself the “title” of “b*tch;” if THIS is not enough and when she discovers that she’s not the only “b*tch,” she will add a title to that name; she might call herself the “HEAD B*tch.” The definition says that (female) dogs (b*tches) are produced in MANY varieties so once this is discovered by the woman who’s ACTING like a dog, she will attach the word “head” to “b*tch” to feel superior.
• Calling herself a “b*tch” makes a woman feel superior…NOT to other women but to MEN who they feel have hurt them. It’s a subliminal message for the MEN but she will often say it to other women as an intimidation tactic…ALL while hoping a man hears it and knows that she can do “it” better than him. She may announce that SHE is the “head B” in the presence of other woman to “mark” territory that she feels she can’t conquer unless she marks it. She’s tried marking it with “love” before and that didn’t work.
1. Some women simply call themselves b*tches to fit in; everyone else is doing it so she wants to do it too. This woman is weak and…she STILL doesn’t fit in because she’s not even a real “b*tch.” She doesn’t have her own identity.

Myths:
• The first myth is: “I am the HEAD B*tch!” This is false; no you are not. LOL! There are at least 1,000 others who’ve given themselves that name and crown of “thorns.” NOW that we know the definitions, saying, “I’m the head b*tch” is equivalent to saying, “I am the FIRST last!” That makes about as much sense as it looks.

• Myth: Being a “bitch” gets you respect! You don’t need love!” This is false…both parts of it. It won’t get you respect. It only gives you a “name” that you didn’t even work for. Nobody “crowned” you “Queen b*tch;” you just gave yourself that name. You do need love and only God can fill your void. You are in need of love and you DO want it. You’re just trying to love “yourself” and that’s hard to do without a GODLY revelation of who you are. The bible talks about a virtuous woman and says that her children will rise up and CALL her “blessed.” When you have any title, you either work for it or someone gives it to you…after noticing your works. If you are named a “b*tch” by your peers, it won’t be because they want to “endear” you.
• Myth: “If I call myself a “b*tch,” HE will know that I mean business and I don’t play!” This is false; if you call yourself a “b*tch,” he will k now that you are just what the definition says: a loud, wicked woman. You don’t mean business and you DO play. “Serious” people don’t live in “fantasy” world. Calling yourself the “Queen B” is a fantasy; if you choose to be a b*tch, adding the word “queen” to it is just an illusion to make you feel superior to other women who also call themselves b*tches. Some men will go for the b*tch type (I am not calling you a b*tch…just using YOUR words). If he goes for that type of “thing,” you all may get along just fine until he decides he wants the “REAL QUEEN B.” We’ll discover who “she” is later. He might also stay around if he senses that you are not really a b*tch but you’ve just been hurt and he thinks he can heal you.

• Myth: B*tch gives you the UPPER hand on men who don’t treat women right. This is false. B*tch is not the “female version” of a “growing man.” Now, a “growing man” is what you may refer to as a “dog.” MEN are NOT dogs; there are “growing men” and there are “grown men,” (something about the words “grown” and “man” together just make me SMILE! I digress…)” If you CHOOSE a man before he’s fully grown, he’s a growing man...NOT a dog and NOT a boy. In order to have the “upper hand” on him or get back at him for hurting you, you would have to be a “lady…” this is hard for a b*tch to do (no pun intended.) It’s impossible to be a “lady” and a “b*tch at the same time. #ladyandthetramp. Being a “b*tich” is YOUR label and it only says to the world, “I am a “growing woman” who couldn’t handle being hurt so I changed my whole identity.

• Myth: Attaching the word “queen” to b*tch means I’m the head. This is false. This is a “fairy tale” that you’ve created. A Queen is all BUT a “b*tch.” The word “B*tch” itself SUBMITS and bows down to the word “Queen.” You can’t be both. If you want to be a “b*tch” it’s an illusion to attach the word “queen” to it.

• Last but not least…the biggest myth is: “I am a b*tch.” This is false; you are not a b*tch. It’s easier to give yourself a name versus spending time with God to discover who you really are and FORGIVNG the one (s) who has hurt you. Every time you call yourself a b*tch, you are being a liar and a coward. When you call yourself a b*tch, the REAL “QUEEN B’s” KNOW that you are really a scared “growing woman” who’s afraid to be a lady.

So, what do we do with all of this? This is not a “stop the b*tching” blog; this blog is about an identity crisis that has gone on for so long, society doesn’t know where to start. Let’s go back to the beginning but we’ll end there because that’s all we need to know: who are we, women? Any female is a “women” but not every female is a “lady.” The bible takes it a step further. It says in Proverbs 31 that the “Queen B” is a virtuous woman. Who is the REAL Queen B? The real Queen B is called “QUEEN BEAUTIFUL.” The bible says that a virtuous woman is costly and her husband can trust her with his heart. It says that she knows that her “merchandise” is good (my favorite part of that text) and when she opens her mouth, wisdom comes out and her tongue is the LAW of kindness. This is important because its saying not only is she wise but she is the WAY of wisdom. THEN, it says, MANY women have been virtuous but her virtuosity exceeds them ALL; this speaks about her confidence in herself. LADIES don’t have to give themselves titles. Those who meet them already know who they are; she confirms it when she speaks.
So, now we know who the REAL “QUEEN B’S” are but we’re not “b*tches!” The ONLY “Queen B’s are those who KNOW that they are beautiful. From one “Queen Beautiful” to the NEXT, know who you are. If you STILL choose to call yourself a “b*tch,” at least you know, now what you’re calling yourself. Knowledge is power so please know that you may still call yourself a b*tch but you will think twice about it. At least that’s a start.

Until we eat again… " -Jewel Moore
 
CHECK OUT JEWEL'S PAGE ON FACEBOOK HERE
 
Please share this with every woman you know! This is TOO good to keep silent. Thanks again, Jewel!!!! ~Nina

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